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Tag Archives: The Human Body

The pie in American pie seems pointless now

The pie in American pie seems pointless now

I recently went to Amsterdam on a typically long holiday for me – 1 day – with work to celebrate our company birthday. This is your typical cake you would find in an Amsterdam bakery.

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During my time at primary school a new kid joined our form in my last year. He had moved school and we later found out why. It was rumoured he was bullied because he walked into a corner of a table with such force that he ended up loosing a testicle.

I was telling this story to my mate Jason when he had a similar story that was miles more impressive.

One of Jason’s mates at school was a kid called Wayne Ball. One day Wayne decided to skive one of his lessons and decided to go and hide in a field of horses. One of Jason’s friends saw Wayne walking into the field through a classroom window.

While Wayne was in the field a horse came up to him and bit one of his balls off! Ouch! For the rest of his time at that school, everyone knew he had lost a testicle. They even had a song about him – ‘Wayne Ball! He’s only got one ball! Wayne Ball!’ Poor poor guy.

Poo On A Wall

Poo On A Wall

Pretty simple point to this post. This was taken outside by work’s office just before Christmas. Is it human or animal poo? We are going for a crack user. Either way it’s utterly disgusting. Also the next day, one of my colleagues spotted a dog eating some of the poo.

This was taken right outside the main Amsterdam train station

This was taken right outside the main Amsterdam train station

Following on from the previous post, here is your typical stand in Amsterdam on a similar theme. I do love typography, translations, packaging and sign sightings like this when I go abroad.

 

A thrilling read

A thrilling read

I was waiting in an airport lounge reading Michelle’s magazine when I saw this beauty of a headline. “Chantelle refused to give me a poo sample. What’s she got to hide?” with Gillian McKeith lying naked amongst fruit. Wrong on so many levels, but even more funny for me because Michelle squirms whenever she sees or hears the word ‘POO.’

 

I recently went to get my hair cut back where I used to live in Palmers Green. I have a wierd thing with hairdressers, only 3 salons have ever cut my hair and I just feel uncomfortable going to a new salon. That is why I go on a 3 hour round trip to get my hair done. Convient? No.

The one salon is a family friends from back home I’ve gone to my whole time in Worcester. The 2nd was in Oakwood, London near my halls and I only went in there once. I ended up having the worst hair cut of my life, but that wasn’t what put me off. This was a proper rude boy barbers I was to discover. During my 30 minutes in there I was offered, and no joke, illegal Batman and Star Wars merchandise, 2 A0 metal picture frames, t-shirts, cocaine and weed. I said no to all. All I wanted was a hair cut.

The third and current salon is in Palmers Green and this is where this post takes shape. I do miss the wierdos in Palmers Green, I really do, everyone is just too normal in Crouch End and sometimes that is not a good thing.

I got off the bus and crossed the road. I was in the middle of the main road when I heard someone shouting at me. It was a tramp asking me if I could give him some money. I replied “I am in the middle of crossing a main road and would like to get to the other side. No thank you.”

I entered the salon and waited my turn. I then got my hair washed before it was cut. There was a new woman washing the customer’s hair, she seemed like an illegal immigrant (possibly) and 50 years old. I question this, because she is 50, why is she just washing hair? To be fair she seemed nice enough. I layed back and she said i will alter the seat, she yanked it so far upwards as smooth as a rollercoaster.

I then noticed her bingo wings on her arms, and I really noticed them as they slapped my face not once, not twice but three times before she said sorry. Lovely. Around 10 minutes later while my hair was being cut, what song came on the radio in the salon? “Wind Beneath My Wings.” I found it almost impossible to stop laughing at the irony.

Now best of all between having my hair washed and hair cut, the sort of thing I seem to attract happened again. Another tramp came into the salon and I quote, “My nail is half coming off my finger could you cut it off?” The owner politely declined saying she can’t use hair scissors on nails for health and safety issues. He then left and everyone burst out laughing. I have to question why he didn’t go into one of the billion nail salons in Palmers Green (every 5th shop is a nail salon there, no really) or just didn’t pick it off if he was that desperate.

The post title explains it all really, this post is all over the shop but it held together by the recent food theme in the final one of these food themed posts.

Looks tasty

Looks tasty

First up, yes its immature but still, it is funny – it’s your mixer alternative the classic drink “Pussy.”

Loafing around

Loafing around

Times are hard as a student, not much cash lying around, but not if you like your bread. This is the sight I came back to in my halls kitchen one day – tonnes of bread!

I'll have a half please

I'll have a half please

Alcoholics? I can’t see how you label my social circle that way, oh hang on this photo? Well this was your average cocktail in Prague and virtually nothing in cost and we had several of these too worryingly. Could explain a lot.

Don't ask me for a jacket potato

Don't ask me for a jacket potato

For some reason I just cannot cook jacket potatoes. Have you tried it in the microwave? You put foil around it in the oven? You did slit it first? Yes, yes and yes I think I’ve tried all techniques but I seem to cursed and cannot do it. On this effort I temporarily broke my microwave for an hour before serving this fluff ball straight into my kitchen bin.

Oh yeah pierce the packaging

Oh yeah pierce the packaging

You can’t blame me too much I was hungover at the time, so I resorted to a dirty microwave meal but only remembered to only pierce the one package with a fork. This is what happens if you don’t kids.

Good reason

Good reason

Morrisons have many good reasons to shop there over the other supermarkets in a recent campaign. This one though is corker! Why should I go to Morrisons over Tescos? Well reason 17 of course silly – “your new Morrisons is now open.”

Blackcurrent no?

Blackcurrant no?

Now what colour would you expect the drink and tablet to be from the box? Pink? Purple? A blackcurrant flavour? Well actually no, as you can see it was a lemon/orange colour and taste. Just bizarre.

Anna and her giant melon

Anna and her giant melon

Turkey?

Turkey?

While on a night out my sister decided to send me this picture of herself, with a turkey on her head. Kind of like that scene from Friends. It still makes me laugh.

An Everton milkshake!

An Everton milkshake!

Another moment from my trips to Brighton, I was down there on FA Cup final day and saw a milkshake shop. I entered and found for that weekend only there was an exclusive Everton milkshake – wicked!

Unusual formation

Unusual formation

And finally – all dirty plates must be washed and cleared away. So I’ll end on this photo. Have you ever seen the bubbles from your washing up liquid form this shape? A perfect circle in the middle? I haven’t and haven’t since this happened in my new flat. Let me now if you have!

So this ends the current run of food themed posts. I’m sure there will be more to come.

Who is the real Jabba the Hut?

Who is the real Jabba the Hut?

The other morning in a hangover state me and my mates turned the TV on and started watching a programme called ‘The Big Questions’ on BBC1 on Sunday mornings. In the audience there was every stereotype, a vicar, a millioniare businessman, a human rights activist, a feminist etc but there was one person who took our eye. This woman said nothing the whole episode, taking every part of the debates in her stride. This woman was Jabba the Hut.

I don’t know if the Independent on Sunday still do this as it’s been awhile since I bought that newspaper. But, when it first came out amazingly in the centre of the paper there was a section called the ‘You couldn’t make it up’ section with the best stories from around the world that week. I found that quite amazing, but one particular story caught my eye that I have to tell.

The article stated that a Japanese man had been caught cheating with his mistress by his wife. The wife took her time to gain her revenge.

One night the husband went to bed early while his wife stayed up. She then chopped off his penis while he was asleep! Ouch! The husband was in so much agony as he went to hospital straight away, but when he got there and was being seen by a doctor he soon realised he forgot something… his chopped off penis!

He had to ring up someone to bring his penis to the hospital but my the time it arrived he had already lost too many cells and the doctors couldn’t sew his penis back on. What a penis!!

In response to one of the comments on the post about how my mate Rob almost broke his back by jumping into a bush (for the original post click here) – which said there were now railings permanently around the bush stopping people from jumping in the bush again – I promised I would go get some recent photos of this and here they are.

The railings were actually put up just 2 days after Rob jumped into the bush and they are still there today. Enjoy this photo special…

Setting the scene - Trent Park campus mansion in all its spring glory

Setting the scene - Trent Park campus mansion in all its spring glory

The bush Rob successfully jumped into many a time

The bush Rob successfully jumped into many a time

The bush that Rob accidentally jumped over and landed on the floor instead

The bush that Rob accidentally jumped over and landed on the floor instead

The permanent railings blocking further bush jumping

The permanent railings blocking further bush jumping

No way through

No way through