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Tag Archives: Business

The Sun - at it's best

The Sun - at it's best

I don’t really need to say too much. Whoever came up with this newspaper headline must be proud.

As shocking as it is, secretly, well not now, I would have loved to come up with a headline like this. A tabloid newspaper’s headline writer is something I would love to do, I could actually make a use of my awful creative puns I bore everyone with.

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Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

No this can’t be true? You’ll probably thinking I’ve edited this photo in photoshop or something? Well I can tell you now you are not seeing things.

You see this is a photo taken in June last year, of a shop (in Brighton again) selling real Christmas trees. Just look at that glorious blue sky!

In recent years I have always had a a fake Christmas tree, but from what I can remember from being a lot younger (when my family bought a real Christmas tree each year) the pines started to fall off the tree after just a few days. So if you bought one in June how would it last until December? Plus you would have to keep it in the garden or in your home and water it to keep it alive. I’d love to ask them how many trees they sold a week.

Slightly on this subject, the off licence near to where I used to live in Palmers Green always had this expensive bottle of champagne that cost £500 a bottle. It was in a tattered box high up balancing on a shelf behind the counter. One day I tried to get out of them how many they sold of these a year – they could only laugh and wouldn’t give me an answer – and from this I expect none have ever been sold! Who on earth in their right mind would buy a £500 bottle of champagne from an off licence in Palmers Green???

You can't say you get nothing for free in this world

You can't say you get nothing for free in this world

If you could just picture this scene inside my head for a moment – a couple are driving around Brighton with their dog Bruno. They are trying to choose a place to wash their car when they suddenly see the deal clincher.They spot the dog bowl in the picture above, ‘a complimentary dog bowl my dear! this is a deal we can’t turn down!’

No I can’t see this happening either, no matter how good the dog bowl is. In this case the dog bowl is a small rubbish bit of plastic, the water is warm from being in the sun and there is a fly in there. In fact the state of this dog bowl would make me want to choose somewhere else instead.

This photo was taken outside a car wash near the harbour in Brighton last summer.

I recently went to buy some gym trousers from Sportsworld’s biggest store on Oxford Street. I couldn’t tell whether these trousers fitted me so I thought I’d better double check and try them on.

I had been in this shop a couple of times over the years but when I thought about it I couldn’t remember ever seeing some changing rooms. There must be some somewhere, the shop is huge and has several floors. I asked a member of staff and they said they were upstairs, so there I went.

I then saw the changing rooms were infact just one changing room right next to the till and a large queue of people. It was so bad I just refused to try them on and took a chance on their size (for the record they did fit). I can officially say they are the worst changing rooms I’ve seen in a major chain’s shop in England.

Sportsworld's finest changing room

Sportsworld's finest changing room

This was taken right outside the main Amsterdam train station

This was taken right outside the main Amsterdam train station

Following on from the previous post, here is your typical stand in Amsterdam on a similar theme. I do love typography, translations, packaging and sign sightings like this when I go abroad.

Unbelievable

Unbelievable

It was rubbish collection day and so I put the bin bags out the night before like usual. I came back after lectures that day to find that for some reason, and the first and only time ever the bin bags were still outside my house. In fact they were the only bin bags left outside anyones house.

I inspected the rubbish to find this note left by the bin bags. They were not collected because I had tied my bin bags?? Hang on, doesn’t every person in the country tie their bin bags, isn’t that the idea? I then phoned the council on the number on the note and they had never heard of this before and thought I was winding them up! The woman from the council couldn’t stop laughing and thought it was ridiculous.

In the end we got our landlord to take the rubbish to the skip. The following weeks after we tied the bin bags just like before but they were rightly taken away from the bin men.

 

Big Balls Bean Bags

Big Balls Bean Bags

I’m sure everyone is recovering from last night’s epic celebrations. So I’ll keep it short and sweet with just a photo to digest. This incredible sign was on the shop front for a homeware shop in Oakwood, London.

 

I recently went to get my hair cut back where I used to live in Palmers Green. I have a wierd thing with hairdressers, only 3 salons have ever cut my hair and I just feel uncomfortable going to a new salon. That is why I go on a 3 hour round trip to get my hair done. Convient? No.

The one salon is a family friends from back home I’ve gone to my whole time in Worcester. The 2nd was in Oakwood, London near my halls and I only went in there once. I ended up having the worst hair cut of my life, but that wasn’t what put me off. This was a proper rude boy barbers I was to discover. During my 30 minutes in there I was offered, and no joke, illegal Batman and Star Wars merchandise, 2 A0 metal picture frames, t-shirts, cocaine and weed. I said no to all. All I wanted was a hair cut.

The third and current salon is in Palmers Green and this is where this post takes shape. I do miss the wierdos in Palmers Green, I really do, everyone is just too normal in Crouch End and sometimes that is not a good thing.

I got off the bus and crossed the road. I was in the middle of the main road when I heard someone shouting at me. It was a tramp asking me if I could give him some money. I replied “I am in the middle of crossing a main road and would like to get to the other side. No thank you.”

I entered the salon and waited my turn. I then got my hair washed before it was cut. There was a new woman washing the customer’s hair, she seemed like an illegal immigrant (possibly) and 50 years old. I question this, because she is 50, why is she just washing hair? To be fair she seemed nice enough. I layed back and she said i will alter the seat, she yanked it so far upwards as smooth as a rollercoaster.

I then noticed her bingo wings on her arms, and I really noticed them as they slapped my face not once, not twice but three times before she said sorry. Lovely. Around 10 minutes later while my hair was being cut, what song came on the radio in the salon? “Wind Beneath My Wings.” I found it almost impossible to stop laughing at the irony.

Now best of all between having my hair washed and hair cut, the sort of thing I seem to attract happened again. Another tramp came into the salon and I quote, “My nail is half coming off my finger could you cut it off?” The owner politely declined saying she can’t use hair scissors on nails for health and safety issues. He then left and everyone burst out laughing. I have to question why he didn’t go into one of the billion nail salons in Palmers Green (every 5th shop is a nail salon there, no really) or just didn’t pick it off if he was that desperate.

In recent years so many pubs around where I live in north London have added a Thai food section. I can’t put my finger on why but I like my Thai food so I don’t really mind.

To the point, the Thai food menu in The Fox pub in Palmers Green has some unusual named options on the menu.

Pork or beef? Oh it's chicken

Pork or beef? Oh it's chicken

Firstly number 34, the Gaeng Khew Wan Gai, it appears to say you can order this as a pork or as a beef dish, but when you read on it then appears to be a chicken dish. Confused? I am.

Ahh the classic Like A Virgin dish.

Ahh the classic Like A Virgin dish.

Now there are only 2 dishes on the entire menu that don’t have a Thai name. Can you guess which classics they are? You guessed it – it’s number 41, “Like A Virgin” and number 30, “Quack Quack Curry.”

mmmm Quack Quack Curry

mmmm Quack Quack Curry

Now even more bizarrely is how you order the Thai food in The Fox. You would think you just go to bar and order some food just like you would for any other food this pub serves. You would be wrong. In fact you can only order the Thai food from this one short woman who wonders around the pub – and guess what she’s Thai.

Yes it is true, you can only order the Thai food from the Thai woman and nowhere else.

I fancy a little theme might develop for a few posts – a food theme. So to continue here’s something that really irritates me. I want to eat healthier and I would like to eat more fish. Simple enough.

Now my problem with salmon is the little bones you find in there, when I eat a meal I don’t expect much I just want to be able to eat it without choking to death or get food poisoning. With salmon you purchase from the fridge section in your supermarket – there are often bones left in there – it has got to the point I refuse to eat this type of salmon.

Hang on though, you can buy boneless fish from supermarkets too? Genius. My problems are solved!

Boneless salmon

Boneless salmon

Oh wait even though it says it is boneless, just like the salmon that doesn’t state it is boneless, it has the same warning message on the back of the packet saying there could be bones in this product!! So how can it be boneless – this is not true and surely breaking advertising regulations somewhere.

Oh wait it's not boneless!

Oh wait it's not boneless!

If I sold non-alcoholic beer so someone could drink it and then drive home safely and not under the influence, but actually put on the back of the can “this product may contain alcohol,” and they drunk several cans of this supposedly non-alcoholic beer and then crashed and injured themselves I would expect to be in a lot of trouble. And rightly so.

So can we actually have actual boneless salmon please.