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The Sun - at it's best

The Sun - at it's best

I don’t really need to say too much. Whoever came up with this newspaper headline must be proud.

As shocking as it is, secretly, well not now, I would have loved to come up with a headline like this. A tabloid newspaper’s headline writer is something I would love to do, I could actually make a use of my awful creative puns I bore everyone with.

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A thrilling read

A thrilling read

I was waiting in an airport lounge reading Michelle’s magazine when I saw this beauty of a headline. “Chantelle refused to give me a poo sample. What’s she got to hide?” with Gillian McKeith lying naked amongst fruit. Wrong on so many levels, but even more funny for me because Michelle squirms whenever she sees or hears the word ‘POO.’

 

Another thing I tweeted about recently that I’ve got round to posting – The Sun came up with this great you couldn’t make it up related headline. Incase you wondered the article is about a primary school kid couldn’t share her birthday cake her gran made with the other kids at school for health and safety reasons.

You Can't Cake It Up

You Can't Cake It Up

A few years ago I embarked on a bizarre evening that most men would dream about. After some hassling and begging 🙂 I managed to be a photographer’s assistant for a Zoo online photo shoot. The photo shoot was to follow the Zoo man hang out in Embassy night club in Soho, London with Miss GB contestant Lisa Lloyd Hughes.

This is the full story with photos never seen before until now.

Zoo Man

(From left to right) Model, Miss GB, Zoo Man and Lisa Lloyd Hughes

When we got there the guy from Zoo online didn’t want to be photographed that night because he had a cold sore on his lips and wondered if I wanted to replace him. Well obviously I took not much time to say yes, I mean 1 I’m a man and 2 I like wierd unusual situations so this was perfect for me!

My job criteria was to wear the Zoo t-shirt, be the Zoo man, hang out with the Miss GB contestants and look like I’m having a good time with lots of flirting (this was the briefing!).

At first it felt wierd doing this, let alone the models, comparing myself to the rest of these fame hungry people I was surrounded by the sort of people I don’t normally associate with. Then after 5 minutes I got right into it. I was asked to be more flirtatious and cheeky, but it’s quite surreal for an average guy like me suddenly to able to grope any stunning model whatever way I can because these models are desperate to have there photo taken with the Zoo man and then in turn get the photo published online.

Zoo Man

Playing to the cameras

Zoo Man

The blond haired girl bought me a £12 drink, surely the man should buy the drinks!

The 3 girls above, after chatting in their booth for half hour asked if I wanted to go outside with them while they had a cigarette, so I did. Thing was they didn’t want the paparazzi to see me wearing the zoo t-shirt with them so they literally smuggled me past the paparazzi, I mean smuggled! There were quite a few paparazzi there that night too, I found out why a few days later, because Girls Aloud were in the private rooms in the upstairs part of the club.

Zoo Man

The middle girl is a Sun page 3 girl

Zoo Man

Can I spank you?

At one point a Sun page 3 model came up to me and asked if she could have a photo with me and her mate, she said, I really want to get my photo published would you mind if I spanked you? Well I said trying to keep a straight professional face, well I need some shots of me on the dancefloor so maybe you could spank me on the dancefloor. So that’s exactly what happened, and the faces of everyone while I really got into it and played up to camera was hilarious. I think the alcohol was starting to take control!

Zoo Man

I quote "Grope my boob"

During the above shot, I was having my photo taken with this girl and her boyfriend was stood right next to her looking annoyed at me. I didn’t want to touch anywhere inappropriate here, I mean he was stood right next to me, but then she turns to me “you can grope my boob” and grabs my hand and puts it over her boob. I try to avoid eye contact with the boyfriend! After the photos are done he comes over to me and tells me he used to be in Hollyoaks and he was the Nike freestyle champion 2003 and gives me his business card (check out a future post on him).

Zoo Man

I quote "grab my leg"

At the end of the night I somehow managed to swop numbers with the blond model above on business related matters. I don’t know how I managed that, but then on the Monday afternoon after this night out I was in the middle of some work when she rings me asking how things are and if I can get her her own photo shoot for Zoo! Amazing!

Some people asked me who was the best model, I would have to say the one below, but she wasn’t even a model but I think maybe an accountant or something. I know I was suprised by her job at least!

Zoo Man

Zoo Man's favourite

Zoo Man

Taken by the paparazzi

After telling some people this happened, and with no-one believing it the article came out just under a week later on the Zoo website and here it was…

Zoo Man

The article

Zoo Man

The article

To add, after this happened I became myspace friends with Lisa Lloyd Hughes and even got invited to her birthday party at embassy. Unfortunately I never made it because I was away in Newcastle for that weekend!

Really... is it?

Really... is it?

For anyone who has not seen “War of the Worlds” it isn’t a bad film, it’s your 7 out of 10 film which has some good parts but in reality is a typical summer blockbuster. Now some quotes products get I can’t believe were said no matter the context. For example every curry house on Brick Lane claims to be the greatest curry house on Brick Lane and every chef is the curry chef of the year – which obviously cannot be true or is at least stretching the truth a little!

So the Daily Mail claim “War of the Worlds” is the “greatest action epic of all time.” Of all time, really? I mean really? You can’t be serious, it’s better than Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Star Wars, Independence Day just to name a couple of action blockbuster films. According to 245 amazon customer reviews it is a 3/5 film, says it all, not the greatest action epic of all time then?

I seriously don’t know how this tabloid newspaper got away with publishing this, perhaps it was a geniune mistake? Really unbelievable stuff.

An honest mistake?

An honest mistake?

No fish and chips for me

No fish and chips for me

In my final week living in Palmers Green i thought i’d go to my local chippy for the final time. I hadn’t been there in a few weeks and when i got there i saw it had closed down. This sign was the reason for this, do you think they are slightly aggrieved with the flat above??

And on this note – ‘U Couldn’t Make It Up’ is closing for a few weeks before we return on Monday 18th May for our grand return!

Retail Newsagents

Retail Newsagents

This is possibly the most pointless magazine concept ever. A magazine about newsagents sold in a newsagents.

If you really think about it who is gonna buy this? People who work in newsagents, but surely you would get it from your own newsagents. You wouldn’t go to a rival newsagents to buy a magazine about newsagents!!

Just unbelievable!

Just unbelievable!

I was reading the metro in my living room and realised that the picture of Abu Hanser looked very similar to a photo of my housemate Ahmed.

I then realised this photo was actually on my living room wall. I couldn’t believe the similarities – black background, same facial expression, beard, hat, same shirt and jumper and the head was at the same angle.

I then cut the photo out the Metro and stuck it next to the photo of my housemate Ahmed. For humour value I even stuck a hook on Ahmed’s photo whilst trying not to wet myself in laughter.

Mauled by a randy dolphin

Mauled by a randy dolphin

 

Bullied by bananas

Bullied by bananas

 

Terrorised by a fart machine

Terrorised by a fart machine

I always like reading some of the articles from ‘Love It’ magazine when i’m in a queue at the supermarket. Some of the stories from these magazines are so random, but ‘Love It’ takes it to a new level. These are a few of my favourite extracts.