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The Sun - at it's best

The Sun - at it's best

I don’t really need to say too much. Whoever came up with this newspaper headline must be proud.

As shocking as it is, secretly, well not now, I would have loved to come up with a headline like this. A tabloid newspaper’s headline writer is something I would love to do, I could actually make a use of my awful creative puns I bore everyone with.

Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

No this can’t be true? You’ll probably thinking I’ve edited this photo in photoshop or something? Well I can tell you now you are not seeing things.

You see this is a photo taken in June last year, of a shop (in Brighton again) selling real Christmas trees. Just look at that glorious blue sky!

In recent years I have always had a a fake Christmas tree, but from what I can remember from being a lot younger (when my family bought a real Christmas tree each year) the pines started to fall off the tree after just a few days. So if you bought one in June how would it last until December? Plus you would have to keep it in the garden or in your home and water it to keep it alive. I’d love to ask them how many trees they sold a week.

Slightly on this subject, the off licence near to where I used to live in Palmers Green always had this expensive bottle of champagne that cost £500 a bottle. It was in a tattered box high up balancing on a shelf behind the counter. One day I tried to get out of them how many they sold of these a year – they could only laugh and wouldn’t give me an answer – and from this I expect none have ever been sold! Who on earth in their right mind would buy a £500 bottle of champagne from an off licence in Palmers Green???

Not Oscar winning material

Not Oscar winning material

Have you ever seen those rubbish Christmas themed films that seem to appear around Christmas? You often think why do they make them and who on Earth would buy them?

I will tell you buys these £3 dvds from Tesco, my mother. I can’t understand it and just thought she was winding me up, but she had actually bought them. When you read the synopsis of these films it gets even worse. I can’t bare to write anymore on this because it hurts.

 

The Woolworths Catalogue

The Woolworths Catalogue

Pretty simple. If you are going to call your catalogue ‘The Big Red Book’ make sure the main colour is red and not yellow on the cover.

 

 

Chicken?

Chicken?

Possibly the worst chicken shop name? I suppose it’s too the point and the customer knows exactly what they can buy. Chicken.

 

The post title explains it all really, this post is all over the shop but it held together by the recent food theme in the final one of these food themed posts.

Looks tasty

Looks tasty

First up, yes its immature but still, it is funny – it’s your mixer alternative the classic drink “Pussy.”

Loafing around

Loafing around

Times are hard as a student, not much cash lying around, but not if you like your bread. This is the sight I came back to in my halls kitchen one day – tonnes of bread!

I'll have a half please

I'll have a half please

Alcoholics? I can’t see how you label my social circle that way, oh hang on this photo? Well this was your average cocktail in Prague and virtually nothing in cost and we had several of these too worryingly. Could explain a lot.

Don't ask me for a jacket potato

Don't ask me for a jacket potato

For some reason I just cannot cook jacket potatoes. Have you tried it in the microwave? You put foil around it in the oven? You did slit it first? Yes, yes and yes I think I’ve tried all techniques but I seem to cursed and cannot do it. On this effort I temporarily broke my microwave for an hour before serving this fluff ball straight into my kitchen bin.

Oh yeah pierce the packaging

Oh yeah pierce the packaging

You can’t blame me too much I was hungover at the time, so I resorted to a dirty microwave meal but only remembered to only pierce the one package with a fork. This is what happens if you don’t kids.

Good reason

Good reason

Morrisons have many good reasons to shop there over the other supermarkets in a recent campaign. This one though is corker! Why should I go to Morrisons over Tescos? Well reason 17 of course silly – “your new Morrisons is now open.”

Blackcurrent no?

Blackcurrant no?

Now what colour would you expect the drink and tablet to be from the box? Pink? Purple? A blackcurrant flavour? Well actually no, as you can see it was a lemon/orange colour and taste. Just bizarre.

Anna and her giant melon

Anna and her giant melon

Turkey?

Turkey?

While on a night out my sister decided to send me this picture of herself, with a turkey on her head. Kind of like that scene from Friends. It still makes me laugh.

An Everton milkshake!

An Everton milkshake!

Another moment from my trips to Brighton, I was down there on FA Cup final day and saw a milkshake shop. I entered and found for that weekend only there was an exclusive Everton milkshake – wicked!

Unusual formation

Unusual formation

And finally – all dirty plates must be washed and cleared away. So I’ll end on this photo. Have you ever seen the bubbles from your washing up liquid form this shape? A perfect circle in the middle? I haven’t and haven’t since this happened in my new flat. Let me now if you have!

So this ends the current run of food themed posts. I’m sure there will be more to come.

In recent years so many pubs around where I live in north London have added a Thai food section. I can’t put my finger on why but I like my Thai food so I don’t really mind.

To the point, the Thai food menu in The Fox pub in Palmers Green has some unusual named options on the menu.

Pork or beef? Oh it's chicken

Pork or beef? Oh it's chicken

Firstly number 34, the Gaeng Khew Wan Gai, it appears to say you can order this as a pork or as a beef dish, but when you read on it then appears to be a chicken dish. Confused? I am.

Ahh the classic Like A Virgin dish.

Ahh the classic Like A Virgin dish.

Now there are only 2 dishes on the entire menu that don’t have a Thai name. Can you guess which classics they are? You guessed it – it’s number 41, “Like A Virgin” and number 30, “Quack Quack Curry.”

mmmm Quack Quack Curry

mmmm Quack Quack Curry

Now even more bizarrely is how you order the Thai food in The Fox. You would think you just go to bar and order some food just like you would for any other food this pub serves. You would be wrong. In fact you can only order the Thai food from this one short woman who wonders around the pub – and guess what she’s Thai.

Yes it is true, you can only order the Thai food from the Thai woman and nowhere else.

I fancy a little theme might develop for a few posts – a food theme. So to continue here’s something that really irritates me. I want to eat healthier and I would like to eat more fish. Simple enough.

Now my problem with salmon is the little bones you find in there, when I eat a meal I don’t expect much I just want to be able to eat it without choking to death or get food poisoning. With salmon you purchase from the fridge section in your supermarket – there are often bones left in there – it has got to the point I refuse to eat this type of salmon.

Hang on though, you can buy boneless fish from supermarkets too? Genius. My problems are solved!

Boneless salmon

Boneless salmon

Oh wait even though it says it is boneless, just like the salmon that doesn’t state it is boneless, it has the same warning message on the back of the packet saying there could be bones in this product!! So how can it be boneless – this is not true and surely breaking advertising regulations somewhere.

Oh wait it's not boneless!

Oh wait it's not boneless!

If I sold non-alcoholic beer so someone could drink it and then drive home safely and not under the influence, but actually put on the back of the can “this product may contain alcohol,” and they drunk several cans of this supposedly non-alcoholic beer and then crashed and injured themselves I would expect to be in a lot of trouble. And rightly so.

So can we actually have actual boneless salmon please.

The Polo food shop is opposite Liverpool Street station – great for cheap dirty food. Now quite often I had this same thought running through my head, that one time, feeling a little drunk and silly, I decided to ask the cashier.

Sausage roll or sausage roll?

Sausage roll please...

Sausage roll please...

Now you see these 2 food items were right next to each other, even if you point at them it would be difficult to tell which one you want. I said I want see if you know which one I wanted from just saying sausage roll. He guessed wrongly – but he knew what I was onto something.

Or a sausage roll please?

Or a sausage roll please?

I asked wouldn’t it be better to call the one a sausage bap? Then you would know what the difference was – he replied “I don’t need to, I know which one the customer wants.”

Well I’m not being funny I replied but you just didn’t know what I wanted so that surely can’t be true!

As I tweeted earlier today by friend Tom has made a Kit Kat chunky 4 finger pack. This all came about after we had a group conversation about chocolate bars in the pub for ages and Tom confessed his love for Kit Kat Chunkies. We thought of making a 4 finger pack and low behold he actually pulled out more creative effort than he did in 3 years as a fine art student and made this beauty. The proper wrapping, foil and the four fingers ‘glued’ together with melted chocolate.

The Packaging

The Packaging

The Chocolate

The Chocolate

I since got told at work about Pimp That Snack – which has lots more pimped up snacks. Unsurprisingly.