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What a joker

What a joker

Who tells me I ought to smile more

Who tells me I ought to smile more

It was the day after ‘Batman: The Dark Knight’ was released in the cinemas. Some of my friends are BIG BIG Batman fans. They were off to see the film that evening. In the afternoon they were that excited they decided to dress up as the Joker for when they watched the film.

Now sitting in a beer garden with 2 people looking like the joker made a slightly unusual afternoon, but not enough for a post on this blog. What was really unusual was how we killed some time in the afternoon before the film.

It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?

It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?

Yes, you didn’t guess it, we went and played golf. Yes myself and the 2 jokers, impersonations included. The faces on the other golfers on the course was a picture! Below is even the standard Joker playing a bunker shot photo…

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

The Sun - at it's best

The Sun - at it's best

I don’t really need to say too much. Whoever came up with this newspaper headline must be proud.

As shocking as it is, secretly, well not now, I would have loved to come up with a headline like this. A tabloid newspaper’s headline writer is something I would love to do, I could actually make a use of my awful creative puns I bore everyone with.

Stubbed out

Stubbed out

I was sat in a bar in Old Street when I glanced out the window. I had to make another glance to make sure I had seen what I thought I had. As you can see from this photo all I could see was a life size cigarette moving around.

A walking talking cigarette

A walking talking cigarette

It wasn’t for another 10 minutes until it moved did I see some human legs, I have no idea why it was hanging out on a derelict street by a waste bin.

Now at least the horse had some kind of logical reason for being in Spitalfields in the previous post.

These donkeys however have no reason to be outside Greenwich park on a rainy day. This was a very obscure area of Greenwich park too where no-one was really around. Donkey rides should be on a sunny beach only.

Just what I was after, a donkey ride

Just what I was after, a donkey ride

Why is there 1 horse on it's own in the market?

Why is there 1 horse on it's own in the market?

I was on my lunch break recently and went to get some food from Spitalfields market. As I made my way I suddenly noticed a horse on it’s own in the market. This may seem normal in some markets but not here. You rarely see animals in central London, apart from the Zoo and especially here! So I took a photo of the horse not really knowing what it was doing here because no-one nearby seemed to be connected to the horse.

Oh it's clear now, the horse was waiting for a knight in shining armour

Oh it's clear now, the horse was waiting for a knight in shining armour

I got my lunch and walked back past the horse and soon discovered a knight on top of the horse! Actually this did make sense, because I soon remembered it was St George’s Day and this must have been a publicity stunt. Still though, it’s not everyday you see a knight on a horse in the financial hotspot of Spitalfields!!

This happened a few years ago, but I recently found these photos and had to post it. A few mates and myself were at the Camden Crawl walking towards Koko. It’s a little tricky to work out what happened here from the photos but I shall try my best to describe.

Hanging out in a big wheel

Hanging out in a big wheel

One angry man with a passion for sandwiches

One angry man with a passion for sandwiches

We noticed a big wheel – with it being a music festival thought it was a piece of artwork/monument type thing – and decided to stand in it. We then decided to get some silly photos taken with us sat in the wheel.

Suddenly this bloke comes running over really angrily from nowhere (he’s the guy pictured in the grey shirt in the photo directly above) shouting ‘GET OFF MY SANDWICHES!!! THEY’RE MINE!!!’ We weren’t exactly sure if he was talking to us but we were then suddenly ushered out of the wheel so he could get his sandwiches – he did not find it funny.

This is someone who passionately likes a sandwich, but someone who leaves them in the most bizarre place – a giant wheel in Camden.

On the subject of the previous post on the number 111, i think it’s a good a time than ever to post another 111 update as there has been quite a high level of quality of 111 sightings in recent times. So here are a few more…

Skysports getting in on the joke

Skysports getting in on the joke

The above is taken from SkySports tv advertisement for the Champions League next season (2010/2011 season). How many games are they showing?? This advert seems to always be on at the moment too.

Playboy find 111 sexy

Playboy find 111 sexy

I was doing some research on Playboy at work and what was the main article on the homepage? No, I don’t get it either.

Ashes to Ashes countdown clock

Ashes to Ashes countdown clock

This was taken from the first episode of Ashes to Ashes series 3. There was a countdown clock in the office counting down to when the kidnapped child was going to die. You may think so what, there was a countdown, it was bound to show this time, well maybe, but there were only 2 sightings of the clock in the episode and shortly after this final sighting of the countdown clock they actually found the kidnapped child.

Mike Ashley is a fan

Mike Ashley is a fan

Any excuse to feature 111 in a newspaper these days hey

Any excuse to feature 111 in a newspaper these days hey

My first ever £1.11 receipt

My first ever £1.11 receipt

Some doubters may think I deliberately make sure everything I buy totals to £1.11, but you are wrong, I would never force a 111 on myself, it happens enough as it is. I only have had 3 £1.11 receipts so far and the above was my first. This one really was unusual because someone I worked with was going to the local shop and asked if I wanted anything. When he came back he gave everyone their items and receipts, amazingly my choice of drink and sweet came to £1.11!

UFC 111

UFC 111

I don’t know much about UFC, but I have a few friends on Facebook who do. Recently the big event – ‘UFC 111’ happened and got mentioned a lot on my news feed. I thought it was a joke until I found the site for the event and it was in fact real.

Below are 2 news articles I actually saw quite awhile go but I went and found again to add to my new blog as they were such good sightings…

Harry Patch dies aged 111

Harry Patch dies aged 111

Reptile becomes a father aged 111

Reptile becomes a father aged 111

Remember you can see them all at ‘I See 111 Everywhere’ blog.

I See 111 Everywhere

I See 111 Everywhere

One of the things I have done recently since I’ve been quiet blogging on ‘U Couldn’t make It Up’ is setting up a sister blog called ‘I See 111 Everywhere.’

Some of you may know about my fascination with the number 111 from knowing me or reading a few posts on here, but since I got a new phone that can actually access the internet I decided to set this site up. Everytime I see the number 111 or see a story on it I shall post it on there. I say that but my regularity hasn’t been quite the best because I see this number so often I haven’t taken a photo everytime because I could be here all day! I have however kept uploading the better sightings!

‘I See 111 Everywhere’ can be found here at isee111everywhere.tumblr.com

Has it really been this long since I last posted? I can’t believe over 2 months have passed, I have been intending to post for a good while now, but better late than never.

One of the main reasons I haven’t posted is because of some tragic news. Really tragic news.

For the last 3 years I have kept every ‘U Couldn’t Make It Up’ story, quote, headline, funny name in one sketchbook – my ‘U Couldn’t Make It Up bible’ I like to call it. Well a few weeks back I was on the train back to Worcester. I had taken my ‘bible’ home to begin writing again, well unfortunately my ‘bible’ never made it to Worcester because someone stole my rucksack on the train without me knowing.

My ‘bible’ was the least costliest item in my rucksack, but it is far the most valuable item to me I had lost. If whoever stole it reads it, god knows what they will think, I hope it makes them laugh at least. Cunt.

For those who are interested, how did it get stolen? Well I put my rucksack on the ‘suitcase’ shelving section by the train doors and sat in front of the shelving section. When I got up at Worcester it was gone! Now I and everyone knows the police will never find it but I didn’t realise they were this useless. My detective couldn’t be bothered to ring up lost property numbers so wanted to email them to me to do it, she wouldn’t look at any CCTV because that would take time (is that not your job?) and amazingly she claimed I probably lost it, not had it stolen, and that I shouldn’t ring the police if I lost it. No your right detective, it just disappeared from the shelving unit on its own and I must have lost it. You really can’t expect anyone to help you out these days can you.

Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

Is it ever to early to get a real Christmas tree?

No this can’t be true? You’ll probably thinking I’ve edited this photo in photoshop or something? Well I can tell you now you are not seeing things.

You see this is a photo taken in June last year, of a shop (in Brighton again) selling real Christmas trees. Just look at that glorious blue sky!

In recent years I have always had a a fake Christmas tree, but from what I can remember from being a lot younger (when my family bought a real Christmas tree each year) the pines started to fall off the tree after just a few days. So if you bought one in June how would it last until December? Plus you would have to keep it in the garden or in your home and water it to keep it alive. I’d love to ask them how many trees they sold a week.

Slightly on this subject, the off licence near to where I used to live in Palmers Green always had this expensive bottle of champagne that cost £500 a bottle. It was in a tattered box high up balancing on a shelf behind the counter. One day I tried to get out of them how many they sold of these a year – they could only laugh and wouldn’t give me an answer – and from this I expect none have ever been sold! Who on earth in their right mind would buy a £500 bottle of champagne from an off licence in Palmers Green???